Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
