If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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