Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
