I'm pants shitting drunk right now
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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