You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
