I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
