the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He felt like a one man threesome
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
