Your mouth is God's brothel.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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