I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
