My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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