Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
