I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
