If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
