You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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