i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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