I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
