I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
