an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
