Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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