i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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