The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize