I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
