She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
