Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
