How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
