is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
