The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
