She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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