i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
