Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
