I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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