Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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