I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
