is your mom at the bar?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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