we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Randomize