my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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