I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize