Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize