Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
