it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
