When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
