Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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