Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
