Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
