how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
