She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
