After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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