I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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