Your tits are I can't wait for
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
