I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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