I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm sobbing to NWA
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
