Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
