Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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