did you get engaged???
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
