Screwed.edu
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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