the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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