sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
