you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
