im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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