bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
