I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
