party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
