You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
