Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
