Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
