Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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