I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
