tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
