Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
