Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
